THIEF BOY!
by Shadow Orenda
Summary: It's time for a showdown between young thief Bakura and Seto. What could possibly go wrong? Everything, for a start... [3rd story in young Thief Bakura series, COMPLETE]


A/N: Mwahahaha! It's the latest installment in the never-ending saga of the adventures of young thief Bakura! Just one quick note before we begin. The Items are about 3000 years old, not 5000. Meaning, so are Thief/Yami Bakura and the hated Pharaoh Yami. Just thought you oughta know that.  
  
*crickets chirp*  
  
Fine. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. *scowl*  
  
And, since I was having technical difficulties with making the chapters order themselves properly, I've had to throw them into one huge chapter. Sorry.  
  
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Part 1: In Which Seto Writes a Message to Thief Boy  
  
Seto hunched over a clay tablet, scribbling furiously.  
  
"Thief boy:  
  
"Meet me outside the temple of Ra at sundown."  
  
He chewed on the end of his stylus thoughtfully. "Hmm." Inspiration struck. Seto grinned maliciously and added:  
  
"Bring a knife.  
  
"From Seto-sama."  
  
Seto smirked as he rose from his chair. Seto-sama. He wasn't entirely sure what it meant, but he liked the sound of it.  
  
Now, the only question was, how would he get it to the thief? The answer was simple. Gold. Seto reached up, detached one huge, shiny earring, and fastened it to one corner of the clay tablet. Perfect. The thief boy could see the glint of gold from miles away. He was bound to find it. It was a foolproof plan.  
  
Seto grinned to himself as he approached the majestic stairs leading outside. "I will have my revenge," he whispered evilly, and promptly tripped down the bottom three steps.  
  
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"Ooooh!"  
  
The thief boy in question scampered from one hiding place to the next. This was pretty pointless since he was the only person on the otherwise empty street, but it made him feel sneaky.  
  
He darted forward and snatched the earring. "Shiiiny."  
  
He turned to run away with his prize, but something caught his eye. Specifically, the clay tablet that was still dangling from his new plaything.  
  
"Huh? What's that?"  
  
The young thief (whose name, as we all know, was Bakura) carefully detached the earring and pocketed in. Then he meticulously inspected the tablet.  
  
His first thought was: Looks like there's writing on it.  
  
His second thought was: I wonder what it says.  
  
Because Seto's foolproof plan had one fatal flaw.  
  
Most ancient Egyptians can't read, and thieves are no exception.  
  
Part 2: In Which Bakura Discovers the Illiteracy of Egypt in General  
  
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"S'cuse me, mister?"  
  
The kindly old man looked down benevolently at the bright, cheerful face of Bakura. "What is it, child?"  
  
"Ummm." Bakura held up the tablet. "Can you read this to me?"  
  
The man sighed. "No, I'm sorry, child. I never did learn to read."  
  
Bakura groaned inwardly. Was there no one on this side of the Nile who could read?! His curiosity had led him to ask 37 people from all across town if they could read, and all he had to show for it was sore feet, exhaustion, and 37 variations of how to say "No."  
  
Well, he'd had enough. One last try and he was giving up. The thief resignedly approached a likely-looking candidate.  
  
"Excuse me, can you read this?"  
  
If the man had had spectacles, he would have peered over them at the boy. "Hm?" He accepted the tablet and examined it. Bakura's heartbeats sped up. Would he finally find out what the message said?"  
  
" 'Thief boy,' " the man read uncertainly. "This was written by someone with an uncertain grasp of Egyptian hieroglyphs, I can tell you that."  
  
"Um, 'thief boy' is just a nickname my friends gave me," Bakura hastened to inform the man. "Because of-- of a game we play," he finished lamely.  
  
"I see," the man said affably. " 'Meet me outside the temple of Ra at sundown,' " he continued to read. " 'Bring. bring a.' " he paused and squinted at the writing. "Bring. a. I think it's 'bring a wife'."  
  
Bakura grinned widely. "Thanks, mister!" He reclaimed his tablet and skipped away.  
  
Hmm. Seto-sama. Wasn't Seto that priest-in-training he'd met the other day? Yeah, that was him all right. There was another mystery, though.  
  
.Bring a wife?!  
  
Well, whatever. Seto must be feeling lonely or something. Bakura was still in his "eew-girls-are-gross" stage (a stage, incidentally, in which he would remain for the next three-thousand-something years). But, what Seto's problem was wasn't his issue.  
  
Actually, it kind of was, now. After all, now he had to find Seto a wife by sundown.  
  
Bakura sighed. Great. More tramping around the city, questioning people. better get to work.  
  
3. In Which There is a Most Unusual Showdown  
  
Seto tapped his foot impatiently. Where was the little thief? The sun'd been down for nearly 2 minutes now. He was late for the showdown-  
  
"Um, who are we waiting for?"  
  
Seto jumped and jerked his head to the left. Bakura was standing next to him, rocking on his heels placidly. On his other side was-  
  
"Thief boy, who is that girl?!"  
  
"I brought you a wife, just like you asked," Bakura said proudly. Turning to the somewhat nondescript brown-haired girl on his left, he added kindly, "Tell Seto what your name is, okay?"  
  
"Um, my name's Anzu," the girl said shyly.  
  
"She's your new wife," Bakura siad helpfully.  
  
Seto stared at them. "M-m-my wife?!"  
  
"Well, sure. You said to bring one in your message."  
  
"I--" Seto was growing angry. "I did not!"  
  
"Yes, you did! The man who read it for me told me so! He said, he said-" Bakura's forehead wrinkled with the effort of recalling the man's words- "He said that you have an uncertain graph of Egyptian hero-gifs!" (Vocabulary and pronunciation were not two of the small thief's strong points.)  
  
Seto stared uncomprehendingly. "But-"  
  
"I went to a lot of trouble to get you this wife!" Bakura cut him off. "Now it's time for you two to get married!" He thrust them together until they were standing roughly within a foot of each other. Seto protested, but the thief was surprisingly strong.  
  
"Now then," Bakura continued, clearing his throat importantly, "do you, Seto, accept this girl, Anzu, to be your loving wife, to, to-" Bakura hesitated, then continued, "to yell at and force to do housework and make supper but also so that she can remind you to clean up after yourself and not to whip her or the kids?"  
  
Seto's lips moved silently as he attempted to catch up with the runaway run- on sentence. "Well, uh-"  
  
"Good." Bakura turned to Anzu. "And do you, Anzu, accept this whiny priest Seto to be your husband, to hog the chamber-pot and shout at you a lot and force you to do housework, etcetera, etcetera?"  
  
"Um, well, I don't really-"  
  
"Great! I now denounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride!"  
  
"Eew!" the apparent newlyweds chorused simultaneously.  
  
"Well, enjoy married life!" With a cheery wave, Bakura skipped down the road and out of sight.  
  
The remaining pair looked at each other uncertainly.  
  
"We're not married, you know," Seto said eventually.  
  
"Ew, I know!"  
  
The awkward silence continued, until Seto seemed to come to his senses.  
  
"HEY!" he roared suddenly, causing Anzu to jump up in alarm. "THAT COWARD! RUNNING AWAY FROM OUR SHOWDOWN! I SWEAR, I'M GOING TO--"  
  
"Hey, where's my bracelet?!"  
  
"What?" Seto's eyes widened. He was suddenly aware that the earring matching the one he'd attached to the clay tablet was gone. His wrists were also several pounds lighter, and his money pouch had vanished without a trace.  
  
The two stared at each other in dawning realization, and then raised their voices in perfect unison to shouting level:  
  
"THIEF BOOYYYY!!!!!"  
  
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A/N: Few more notes. One, I don't believe in Seto/Anzu in any time period, which is all the more reason to use this particular person as his new wife. *cackle* And, in case you are a sad ignorant person, Anzu is Tea's Japanese name.  
  
Also, if you feel like reviewing (meaning, if you feel like keeping your soul in your body), then feel free to suggest a plot for another sequel. Like I said, it's the never-ending saga of "thief boy's" adventures. I would really appreciate some new ideas.  
  
Review! Review! REVIEEEEW!!!! 


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